I'm reminded of a portion in a seminar I attended days before the retreat where we were asked to make a personal mission statement where I wrote very boldly what I felt my task is on earth, which to my surprise was when I read it, and even before I can stop myself, I was crying! I did not feel like crying while I was writing it though but for some reason, when I verbalized it in front of the group, I was confused and I did not know exactly why I cried??!! So I let the thought linger. I had no reason in mind on why I did what I did? Did I just like drama?? o drama queen lang talaga ako?? Buti naman at hindi balde ng luha ang iniyak ko, konti lang naman, pahikbi. That night I tried to understand myself. The following day, I wrote down what I thought and I wrote that the reason for my crying was because I knew I wasn't anywhere near achievement of my personal mission statement. I'm 25 years old and i'm far from completing it. Then I remember what the facilitator said after I share my personal mission statement to the group, she said that "sometimes we feel we are not that person we write in our personal mission statement anymore" and that is exactly what I felt-that I was a failure. And my gosh! ako pa! i'm allergic to failures! Failure here means-failing my own set of standards for myself. This is such a perennial problem for me.
While I was talking to God during that time when Kuya Jun asked us to write our discontentments, I talked to God and He confirmed what I thought that I did set high standards for myself. I did not know me anymore. I was living everyday just trying to reach those standards. The retreat came very timely for me as it reminded me, that to fulfill my personal mission statement, I had to know myself first. God has been blessing me with love and support after the retreat. All the things that I do and everything I still want to achieve in this lifetime now starts to make sense. Now I really do believe that the universe really does conspire for your own good. God's great design is sooo very complicated but it takes a simple mind to know. And knowing does not only stop in my head now, knowing now begins and end with my heart. Hindi pa naman huli ang lahat para magbago di ba...Haaayyyy! EXCITING!!!!
p.s. even my boss noticed my "elated" state, heheheh, i can't help it, i can't stop smiling!
with Mae and Malou
